Constellations Read online

  Marianne What?

  Roland I said make me.

  * * *

  Marianne I keep thinking of Mum.

  Roland In what way?

  Marianne Before she died.

  Roland Right.

  Marianne When she said she didn’t want any more food.

  Roland Yeah.

  Marianne Do you remember?

  Roland I’m not sure we ever really talked about it?

  Marianne I thought we did?

  Roland Bits and pieces maybe.

  Marianne Well she said she wanted them to stop the IV, did we talk about that?

  Roland I think maybe we did yeah.

  Marianne They asked me to leave. I went back the next day and she was starting to look like a ghost. It takes an enormous amount of strength. When you’re like that. To keep going. I’m not sure I have it.

  Roland You don’t know. You don’t know that.

  Marianne Sinking feeling.

  Roland Mary listen to me –

  Marianne I’m so tired. I’m so tired, Roland. Before people had face

  Before they had face

  Face before they

  FUCK.

  Roland Okay.

  Marianne God.

  Roland God?

  Marianne People’s lives were their own. Before it became skin

  Skin, it became

  Skin

  Roland Skin?

  Marianne Mum wasn’t scared of dying, she was scared of being kept alive. You know?

  Roland Yes.

  Marianne That wasn’t what scared her.

  * * *

  Roland Hello, Marianne.

  Marianne Roland. Wow, hi – Hello. How are you?

  Roland Yeah, I’m fine, thanks.

  Marianne Oh good. Good, that’s really good.

  Roland How about y’self?

  Marianne I bought some of your honey.

  Roland Oh really.

  Marianne From the Budgens in Crouch End.

  Roland Yeah, right. They’re really great.

  Marianne I said to the girl on the till, I said I used to know the man who made this honey.

  Roland What did she say?

  Marianne …

  Roland I read one of your papers.

  Marianne You did not?

  Roland I did. I downloaded it.

  Marianne Which one did you read?

  Roland Something to do with the XMM Cluster Survey?

  Marianne That’s really amazing, Roland.

  Roland What did you think of the honey?

  Marianne Delicious. It was completely delicious. Are you, are you here for the ballroom class?

  Roland Yeah, no, yeah, I am, yeah.

  Marianne Really.

  Roland Heather’s getting married in a couple of months, so.

  Marianne The PE teacher?

  Roland What’s that?

  Marianne He was a, he was a PE teacher, wasn’t he?

  Roland Right, no, I see. They called it a day. New bloke’s a something-or-other for the Office for National Statistics.

  Marianne Wow.

  Roland I’ve been ordered to sort out my two left feet or else. How about you?

  Marianne Similar, really. Wedding.

  Roland Your own or –

  Marianne No, mine, yep.

  Roland Congratulations.

  Marianne Yep.

  Roland Is your. Fiancé, is he –

  Marianne Held up. He’s. Been held up.

  * * *

  Roland Hello, Marianne. It’s Roland.

  Marianne Roland.

  Roland How are you? Hope I didn’t scare you?

  Marianne No. A bit. Maybe. I mean, a bit.

  Roland Sorry.

  Marianne Are you, are you here for the ballroom class?

  Roland Yeah, no, yeah, I am, yeah.

  Marianne Ballroom, really?

  Roland Heather’s getting married.

  Marianne Heather?

  Roland My sister.

  Marianne Heather, of course.

  Roland I’ve been ordered to sort out my two left feet or else.

  Marianne Did you, did you know that I was going to be here?

  Roland What? Did I –

  Marianne Know that I was going to be here?

  Roland No. No, of course not.

  Beat.

  Marianne I’m learning ballroom because I’m getting married, Roland.

  Roland No, sure.

  Marianne In September.

  Roland Congratulations.

  Marianne Thank you. What about you, are you –

  Roland I was, but, for the moment, no.

  Marianne Married?

  Roland Seeing someone. I was seeing someone. But we broke up. So.

  Marianne I’m sorry.

  Roland No, please. Don’t be.

  * * *

  Marianne Hello, Roland.

  Roland Marianne. Wow, shit. How’s it, how’s it going?

  Marianne Well. I’m really well. Thanks.

  Roland Great. Thass really great.

  Marianne Yourself?

  Roland Yeah, no, I mean, good, yeah.

  Marianne I bought some of your honey.

  Roland Oh really.

  Marianne From the Budgens in Crouch End.

  Roland Yeah, right. They’re really great.

  Marianne I said to the girl on the till, I said I used to know the man who made this honey.

  Roland What did she say?

  Marianne She just stared at me. How is everything? Business-wise.

  Roland Good, yeah. ’Bout to start doing pollen.

  Marianne Pollen?

  Roland Yeah, you have to – Y’scrape it off the legs of the bees and then you ground it down. Really good for you apparently.

  Marianne Scraping the legs of bees, or pollen?

  Roland Had a, had an offer from Tesco of all people.

  Marianne For the pollen?

  Roland No, just for the honey.

  Marianne How much for?

  Roland Fair whack.

  Marianne What did you say?

  Roland Told ’em to go fuck ’emselves. I read one of your papers.

  Marianne You did not?

  Roland I did. I downloaded it.

  Marianne Which one did you read?

  Roland Something about hot subdwarf stars?

  Marianne Were you really looking for midget porn on Google?

  Roland What’s that?

  Marianne Subdwarf – It was a –

  Roland Gotcha.

  Marianne That’s really amazing, Roland. Thank you.

  Roland What did you think of the honey? From Budgens.

  Marianne Delicious. It was completely delicious.

  Roland It’s heather.

  Marianne Yes.

  Roland We cart the bees up to the heather moors every August. One by one.

  Marianne One by one?

  Roland Hives, not bees.

  Marianne Are you, are you here for the ballroom class?

  Roland Yeah, no, yeah, I am, yeah. I’m. I’m actually. Engaged.

  Marianne Oh wow.

  Roland So. Yeah.

  Marianne Who’s the, who’s the lucky lady?

  Roland Alison. Alison O –

  Marianne I remember.

  Roland How about y’self, are you –

  Marianne Just trying to lose a bit of weight. Too many late-night digestive binges. I blame the subdwarfs. The stars – The, the paper you read –

  * * *

  Roland Heather’s getting married in a couple of months, so.

  Marianne The PE teacher?

  Roland What’s that?

  Marianne He was a, he was a PE teacher, wasn’t he?

  Roland Right, no, I see. They called it a day. New bloke’s a something-or-other for the DVLA.

  Marianne Wow.

  Roland I’ve been ordered to sort out my two left feet or else. How about you?

  Marianne Similar, really. Wedding.r />
  Roland Your own or –

  Marianne No, God, can you imagine. I’m being a very diligent bridesmaid. We’re having some kind of mass Viennese waltz. I’m not sure I fully understand it as yet.

  Roland So is this your first? Lesson.

  Marianne No, second. You?

  Roland First, yeah.

  Marianne Well done on the comfortable trouser front. I came straight from work. Last week. Crotch was like a fucking furnace by the time I got home.

  Beat.

  Roland Mary, I’m sorry.

  * * *

  Marianne Well done on the comfortable trouser front. I came straight from work. Last week. Crotch was like a fucking inferno by the time I got home.

  Beat.

  Roland, I’m sorry.

  Roland What for?

  * * *

  Marianne Well done on the comfortable trouser front. I came straight from work. Last week. Crotch was like a fucking sauna by the time I got home.

  Beat.

  I have to say it because if I don’t I’ll feel like a fraud.

  Roland Mary –

  Marianne Let’s go for a drink. I don’t know what I’m doing here anyway. One drink. And if you never want to see me again you never have to see me again.

  * * *

  Roland Mary –

  Marianne Why don’t we go for a drink? I don’t know what I’m doing here anyway. One drink. And if you never want to see me again you never have to see me again.

  * * *

  Roland Mary –

  Marianne One drink. And if you never want to see me again you never have to see me again.

  * * *

  Roland Mary –

  Marianne And if you never want to see me again you never have to see me again.

  * * *

  Roland I don’t really know what to say.

  Marianne You don’t have to say anything.

  Roland No I know but I want to; I want to know what to say to you.

  Marianne A lot of people apparently never go through with it.

  Roland How do you mean?

  Marianne A lot of people, once they’ve been given the green night

  Night

  Once they’ve A lot of

  Roland It’s okay.

  Marianne They’re, they’re happy enough knowing it’s there.

  Roland How do you know that?

  Marianne It’s on the website.

  Roland When you say ‘a lot’ how many are we talking?

  Marianne I think it was something like two-thirds. Safety net. For a lot of people.

  Roland And is that how you’re feeling about it?

  Marianne I don’t know.

  Roland Would I be able to come with you?

  Marianne I’m going to speak to Martin. Would you want to? Come with me.

  Roland Would you want me to come with you?

  Marianne nods. Beat.

  Marianne I keep thinking of Mum.

  * * *

  Roland takes a piece of A4 paper from a pocket and reads.

  Roland There are three different kinds of bees. The drones, the workers and a single, solitary queen. The workers are all women. Their job is to forage for honey, pollen, etcetera. Their lifespan is potentially anywhere between five weeks and six months. And then they die. Drones exist solely to have sex with the queen. Each hive tends to have around a hundred drones. Once they’ve deposited their sperm, their penis gets ripped off and

  they die. Honeybees have an

  Marianne Roland –

  unfailing clarity of purpose. Their lives are often intensely short. But in a strange sort of way, I’m jealous of the humble

  honeybee and their quiet

  Marianne Roland any moment a –

  elegance. If only our existence

  were that simple. If only we could understand why it is

  Marianne Any moment a –

  that we’re here and what it is that we’re meant to spend our lives doing. I am uncertain when it comes to a great many things. But there is now one thing I am defiantly certain of.

  Roland folds up the piece of paper, puts it back in his pocket and – from another pocket – takes out a small black box. He kneels and opens the small black box.

  Roland Marianne Aubele, will you marry me?

  Marianne Roland, I’ve got a tutorial. You can’t just turn up like this. I mean. It’s the middle of the day, there’s a lot going on. I need to think about it. I’m sorry. I just. I just really need some space.

  Roland stands and returns the small black box to his pocket.

  * * *

  Marianne This is a surprise.

  Roland Is it?

  Marianne It’s the middle of the afternoon.

  Roland Are you busy?

  Marianne Are you – Is everything –

  Roland There’s something I’d like to say. To you.

  Roland takes a piece of A4 paper from a pocket and reads.

  There are three different kinds of bees. The drones, the workers and a single, solitary queen. The workers are all women. Their job is to forage for honey, pollen, etcetera. Their lifespan is potentially anywhere between five weeks and six months. And then they die. Drones exist solely to have sex with the queen. Each hive tends to have around a hundred drones. Once they’ve deposited their sperm, their penis gets ripped off and they die. Honeybees have an unfailing clarity of purpose. Their lives are often intensely short. But in a strange sort of way, I’m jealous of the humble honeybee and their quiet elegance. If only our existence were that simple. If only we could understand why it is that we’re here and what it is that we’re meant to spend our lives doing. I am uncertain when it comes to a great many things. But there is now one thing I am defiantly certain of.

  Roland folds up the piece of paper, puts it back in his pocket and – from another pocket – takes out a small black box.

  Marianne Roland, please.

  Roland kneels and opens the small black box.

  Roland, get up, come on.

  Roland Marianne Aubele, will you marry me?

  Beat.

  Marianne Roland, we talked about this. Come on.

  Roland stands and returns the small black box to his pocket.

  * * *

  Marianne This is a surprise.

  Roland Is it?

  Marianne It’s the middle of the afternoon.

  Roland There’s something I’d like to say to you.

  Roland reaches into a pocket, but there is nothing there.

  Shit.

  Marianne What is it?

  Roland checks his other pockets.

  Roland I’ve left it at home.

  Marianne Left what at home? Roland.

  Beat.

  Roland, is everything all right?

  Roland Okay I’m gonna just – I’m gonna just own up: I came down here because I wanted to – I had this whole speech written out. Took me a fucking age. And it’s – It’s just thrown me a bit.

  Marianne Roland you’re sweating.

  * * *

  Roland There’s something I’d like to say. To you.

  Roland readies himself to speak.

  Um, so, as you know, well, maybe, maybe you know, there are, there are three different kinds of bees. There’s the drones, there’s the workers and there’s the queen. And the, the drones are all women. Sorry, the, the workers, the workers are all women. The drones have sex with the queen. But then once they’ve, once they’ve ejaculated, they, er, they die. Shoulda written this down.

  Marianne Roland –

  Roland What I’m tryina say is that bees have a really short life. They have an incredibly short life and then that’s it. Possibly the bit about the life span shoulda come at the start and then I coulda moved on to the –

  Marianne Is there something –

  Roland Do you remember when we first met?

  Marianne Yes.

  Roland You do?

  Marianne Yes.

  Roland At that wedding.
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  Marianne What?

  Roland John and Ruth’s wedding.

  Marianne We met at a barbecue.

  * * *

  Roland takes a piece of A4 paper from a pocket and reads.

  Roland There are three different kinds of bees. The drones, the workers and a single, solitary queen. The workers are all women. Their job is to forage for honey, pollen, etcetera. Their lifespan is potentially anywhere between five weeks and six months. And then they die. Drones exist solely to have sex with the queen. Each hive tends to have around a hundred drones. Once they’ve deposited their sperm, their penis gets ripped off and they die. Honeybees have an unfailing clarity of purpose. Their lives are often intensely short. But in a strange sort of way, I’m jealous of the humble honeybee and their quiet elegance. If only our existence were that simple. If only we could understand why it is that we’re here and what it is that we’re meant to spend our lives doing. I am uncertain when it comes to a great many things. But there is now one thing I am defiantly certain of.

  Roland folds up the piece of paper, puts it back in his pocket and – from another pocket – takes out a small black box. He kneels and opens the small black box.

  Roland Marianne Aubele, will you marry me?

  Marianne Okay.

  Roland Really?

  Marianne Yeah, really.

  Marianne kisses Roland. Roland slides the engagement ring on to the appropriate finger. Marianne kisses Roland.

  Where was that speech from? Was it from a book? It was, wasn’t it? Was it the Ted Hooper? It was, wasn’t it?

  Roland Bits.

  Marianne laughs and then kisses Roland.

  Marianne I’ve got to do a fucking tutorial.

  Roland I’ll see you at home.

  Marianne Is that okay?

  Roland Of course.

  Marianne Thank you.

  Marianne kisses Roland.

  * * *

  Marianne If you’re serious you write to them.

  Roland Meaning what?

  Marianne Outline why they ought to be taking you seriously.

  Roland And if they do?

  Marianne You meet someone.

  Roland Out there or here?

  Marianne Out there. You

  You

  You have to meet them a couple of times.

  Roland Always out there?

  Marianne I think so.

  Roland Then what?

  Marianne Then it’s up to you.

  Roland How do they do it, how does it work?

  Marianne They use something called a Bar

  Abar

  A

  A

  Roland It’s okay.

  Marianne They mix it with water.