Wanderlust Read online

  Joy The weekend, I promise.

  TEN

  Michelle’s bedroom. Early evening.

  Tim and Michelle.

  Tim You alright?

  Michelle Yeah.

  Tim You sure?

  Michelle Yeah.

  Michelle removes her underwear from underneath her skirt.

  Normally, I’d wanna lie down. But.

  You wanna find the clitoris.

  D’you wanna give me your hand?

  Michelle takes Tim’s hand and places it underneath her skirt.

  How’s that?

  Tim Yeah, no, yeah, that’s –

  Michelle I would say it’s probably best if you use your two middle fingers.

  And you just wanna be really gentle.

  Back and forth.

  Michelle begins to guide Tim’s hand.

  Gently though.

  Really really gently.

  Tim Okay, okay.

  Michelle D’you wanna take over.

  Tim Are you sure?

  I mean as long as you’re sure that’s.

  Michelle nods.

  Michelle removes her hand, only Tim’s hand remains.

  Tim attempts to stimulate Michelle’s clitoris.

  How’s that?

  Michelle Um.

  Tim It’s sort of pretty hairy.

  Michelle Thanks for that.

  Tim I mean it’s.

  It’s sort of pretty difficult getting back to the same spot each time.

  Michelle She’s most likely gonna have pubic hair, Tim.

  Tim As much as this though?

  Michelle And goodbye.

  Michelle moves.

  Tim Sorry.

  Michelle, I.

  I’m sorry.

  That was.

  You know I mean I’ve never.

  I mean the only ones I’ve ever really seen are.

  Well, I mean they’re bare.

  Michelle Bare?

  Tim Yeah, bare, like.

  Sort of just makes it a lot easier to find y’way around.

  Michelle Where on earth have you seen a bare vagina?

  Tim …

  Michelle You mean the internet?

  Tim Well.

  Michelle Tim, those women aren’t real women.

  Jenny Talbot’s vagina isn’t gonna be.

  …

  Tim I’m sorry.

  Michelle You don’t have to keep apologising.

  Tim I really appreciate this, y’know.

  I mean it though.

  Michelle takes Tim hands and, again, places it underneath her skirt.

  Michelle, again, tries to guide Tim’s hand.

  After a moment, Michelle removes her hand.

  Tim continues the movement.

  Is that okay?

  Michelle nods.

  You’re sure?

  Michelle nods. Tim continues the movement.

  Michelle You can do it a bit faster if you want now.

  Tim does so.

  You can move your fingers about a bit more too.

  Tim does so.

  Tim Is that good?

  Michelle nods. Tim continues.

  Michelle Just.

  Tim What?

  Michelle Just try and keep a bit more of a steady rhythm.

  Tim As in –

  He adjusts his rhythm.

  Michelle Slower.

  He adjusts his rhythm.

  That. Just keep going like that.

  Tim continues.

  Tim Hand sort of hurts a bit.

  Tim continues, perhaps a little faster.

  Tim watches Michelle.

  Is that –

  Michelle Yeah.

  Tim continues.

  Ooh stop, stop. Stop stop stop.

  Tim removes his hand from underneath Michelle’s skirt.

  Tim watches Michelle. She steadies her breathing.

  Tim Are you okay?

  Michelle Will you turn around please?

  Tim does so.

  Michelle puts her underwear back on.

  Can turn around now.

  Tim does so.

  ELEVEN

  Joy and Alan’s house, bedroom. Night.

  Joy.

  Enter Alan.

  Joy and Alan smile politely at one another.

  Joy There’s some quiche in the fridge.

  Alan Not really that hungry.

  Joy It’s late.

  Alan Is it?

  …

  Neil didn’t turn up for work today.

  Joy I’m sorry?

  Alan Neil.

  Joy No, I remember, I just didn’t hear what you said.

  Alan Well, he didn’t turn up for work.

  No one knows where he is.

  Joy Alan, I’m sorry.

  Has anyone tried the police?

  Alan Not yet, no.

  Joy Would you like to get into bed?

  Alan nods.

  Joy moves to Alan and begins to undress him, lovingly not seductively.

  I’ve been thinking.

  This weekend, I thought perhaps we might be able to do something together on Saturday night.

  Alan I’m not here.

  Joy …

  Alan School trip.

  Joy Oh.

  Alan The Somme.

  Joy …

  Alan It’s on the calendar.

  Joy When are you back?

  Alan Monday.

  Joy Next weekend perhaps?

  Alan What did you want to do?

  Joy I thought perhaps we could go out for something to eat?

  Alan Where were you thinking?

  Joy Wherever you like.

  Alan nods.

  Have a think about it.

  Alan nods. Joy kisses Alan.

  Alan tries to extend the kiss into something a little more passionate.

  Joy separates from Alan.

  Alan What?

  Joy shakes her head a little.

  Something the matter?

  Joy Of course not.

  Alan Do you not want to kiss me?

  Joy What?

  Alan Do you not want to kiss me?

  Joy I don’t understand?

  Alan You moved.

  We were kissing one another and you moved, you took a step back.

  Joy …

  Alan Fuck’s sake, Joy.

  Joy Alan.

  Alan finishes getting undressed.

  Alan gets into bed.

  Alan Will you turn the light out, please?

  Joy.

  Will you turn the light out, please?

  TWELVE

  Joy.

  Joy I remember, years ago, I remember going to a lecture by a colleague of mine about. Well it was about reproduction I suppose.

  Sharks, I remember him saying, have two penises.

  His, well his point was that, in evolutionary terms, this proves that sharks are built to be polygamous.

  They use the first penis for cleaning out the female and the second for.

  Well.

  Whereas humans, on the other hand, are monogamous by design.

  The way the penis looks, for instance, its shape, its size, is directly linked to its ability to attract a mate.

  Birds, I remember him saying, birds have remarkably small penises, making them therefore, by design, intensely faithful.

  Find a man with a tiny penis, he said, and stick with him.

  And, and, fine, it was all fairly interesting. I suppose.

  The one thing I didn’t understand, though. Well the one thing that I found difficult was how little he’d accounted for the emotional side of things.

  His response was, what emotional side?

  Well, love, I said, for instance, love.

  I’m talking about sex, he said. Love has nothing to do with it.

  No, I’m talking about sex. Love has absolutely nothing to do with it whatsoever, he said.

  Right. I see.

  Lucky birds.

  THIR
TEEN

  Simultaneous: Joy’s office and Clare’s hotel room in France. Early evening.

  Joy and Clare: reading.

  Joy’s office: Enter Stephen.

  Stephen carries with him a bag of Chinese takeaway.

  Stephen Before you – I wanted to apologise.

  I think I was probably quite drunk, last week.

  And, I ended up, going on a bit.

  I’m sorry.

  Anyway the, the lady at the desk – who I’m getting to know quite well incidentally – she said you might be finishing about. Well, now, so.

  Do you like Chinese?

  Clare’s hotel room. Enter Alan.

  Stephen Do say if you’ve somewhere else to be.

  Clare Hello, Alan.

  Everything alright?

  Stephen begins to unpack the Chinese.

  Alan …

  Clare Alan?

  Alan Your bed’s enormous.

  Clare Is it?

  Alan I’ve only got a single.

  Clare It’s lovely and comfy actually.

  Alan It is, is it?

  Clare It is, yeah.

  Alan Well, that’s good.

  Stephen So when did you marry, you and Alan?

  Joy 1986.

  Stephen That’s incredible.

  Joy Is it?

  Stephen It is.

  Alan What are you reading?

  Clare It’s wonderful.

  Clare hands/shows Alan a secondhand copy of Reading Turgenev by William Trevor.

  Have you read it?

  Alan No.

  Clare It’s about a recently married woman in her twenties who has a sort of an affair with her disabled cousin. They spend their time together reading Russian novels.

  And then he dies.

  But she can’t tell anyone how much he meant to her because then everyone would know about their affair. So she goes mad and her husband has her admitted to an asylum.

  Alan It’s a comedy, then.

  Stephen How old is your son?

  Joy He’s fifteen.

  Your son’s at university, is that right?

  Stephen York.

  Joy What does he study?

  Stephen Anthropology.

  Alan I should leave you to it.

  Clare Should you?

  Stephen What did you do for your honeymoon?

  Joy We went to Dorset.

  Alan kisses Clare.

  Have you ever been?

  Stephen No, no.

  Alan and Clare continue to kiss, more intensely perhaps.

  Joy There’s a lighthouse there.

  I remember we climbed right to the top.

  Alan and Clare begin tearing at one another’s clothes.

  We hid.

  While they closed the lighthouse to the public.

  We hid in the toilet.

  Clare I’m on my period.

  Alan What?

  Clare Just lie down.

  Clare begins unfastening and removing Alan’s trousers.

  Joy We waited until we thought we couldn’t hear anyone else.

  And then we came out.

  That was where we spent the first night of our honeymoon.

  Clare begins giving Alan a blowjob.

  At about one o clock in the morning, all you could hear was the sound of the sea.

  Alan Fuck.

  Joy I remember just waking up and listening to it.

  Alan Fuck.

  Joy Staring at this man next to me on the floor.

  Alan Fuck.

  Joy My husband.

  Alan orgasms. Clare and Alan separate and catch their respective breaths.

  Probably sounds ridiculous now.

  Stephen It doesn’t sound ridiculous at all.

  Stephen watches Joy.

  Stephen lunges forward, attempting to kiss Joy.

  Joy immediately jerks backward and moves away from Stephen.

  …

  Alan fastens his trousers.

  Alan and Clare, close:

  Clare Why don’t you stay?

  Stephen Joy.

  Alan What time’re we supposed to be downstairs for dinner?

  Stephen watches Joy.

  Stephen clears away the takeaway.

  Clare leads Alan towards the bed.

  Stephen moves to go, stops.

  Exit Stephen.

  Clare and Alan lie down on the bed, still fully clothed, and slip their arms around one another.

  Joy, alone.

  FOURTEEN

  Joy and Alan’s house, bedroom. Night.

  Joy and Alan, reading.

  Joy watches Alan.

  Joy I bought a book.

  Alan.

  A couple of months ago.

  Alan nods a little.

  It’s published by Relate.

  Did you hear what I said?

  Alan It’s published by Relate.

  Joy It’s called The Relate Guide to Sex in Loving Relationships.

  Do you know who Relate –

  Alan I do, yes.

  Joy Well, I finished it and I decided that I wanted to speak to someone.

  Alan What?

  Joy Her name is Melanie.

  Alan I’m not sure I’m following?

  Joy Do you remember Stephen Moore?

  Alan ?

  Joy Stephen Moore.

  He used to live on Sopwell Street. Near the –

  Alan You mean years ago?

  Joy Yes.

  Alan You mean Stephen Moore from twenty-plus years ago?

  Joy Yes.

  He came to see me at the surgery.

  He had a Chinese takeaway.

  We ate it on the floor.

  Alan, we slept with one another.

  Alan What?

  Joy Stephen and I, we –

  Alan Hang on –

  Joy I never told you because –

  Alan I’m not –

  Joy His father passed away.

  He’s here to clear out the house.

  He turned up at the surgery with a Chinese takeaway.

  He tried to kiss me.

  Alan Hang on – Stephen Moore –

  Joy Obviously I, moved away, asked him to leave, but.

  Made me think, it made me realise, I never told you. About Stephen and I. Years ago.

  Alan Joy –

  Joy When we were at university, do you remember?

  During our final year.

  We had that row –

  Alan A row?

  Joy Yes, do you remember, we had that row.

  Alan Vaguely –

  Joy Well after that I went home and I slept with Stephen Moore.

  I was furious with you.

  But then you came to see me and you apologised. Sorry, you said, I’m sorry.

  And then, out of blue, he turns up at the surgery, and suddenly it all comes flooding back.

  And you were away, at the weekend, and I kept turning it all over.

  Alan I’m not sure I’m quite with you.

  You and Stephen Moore, you slept with one another years ago –

  Joy Yes.

  Alan Or you mean you slept with one another while I was away at the weekend?

  Joy No, years ago.

  Nineteen-eighty-something or other.

  We had a row, I was furious, and I spent the night at Stephen Moore’s house.

  Alan …

  Joy Alan, I think we should draw up a timetable.

  Alan I’m sorry?

  Joy A timetable.

  I think we should put one together.

  I’m sorry we’ve not been as sexually active as you might have liked –

  Alan What?

  Joy It’s becoming a problem, I know.

  Alan laughs a little, perhaps somewhat baffled.

  I’m being serious.

  It’s been really helpful.

  Speaking to someone.

  I made a decision not to tell you about it, but, now.

  Melanie suggested it might
be worth us putting together some sort of a timetable.

  Alan I – I’m not really – I’m not really sure it can –

  Joy We’re both so tired in the evenings.

  Alan Are we?

  Joy And I really think that if we agree a set time, then –

  Alan But –

  Joy She suggested drawing up a list of likes and dislikes.

  Alan What?

  Joy And any fantasies we may or may not have.

  Alan Fantasies?

  Joy I was thinking the fantasy task might be a good one to start with, actually.

  Alan Is this a joke?

  Joy No. Absolutely not.

  I would like us to draw up a timetable and I would like us to start with a fantasy of your choosing.

  Alan Me?

  Joy Yes.

  Alan You want to start with –

  Joy Yes.

  Alan A fantasy?

  Joy Yes.

  Alan Anything?

  Joy Anything.

  Alan Does it have to involve both of us?

  Joy Up to you.

  Alan …

  Anything?

  Joy Anything.

  Alan Well.

  No – Joy – This – I can’t.

  This is ridiculous.

  Isn’t it?

  I don’t want sex to feel like.

  It shouldn’t have to feel like homework, Joy.

  It shouldn’t have to feel like.

  You could strip.

  You could.

  You could wear a. Schoolgirl’s uniform and you could …

  Joy What kind of uniform would you like it to be?

  Alan A schoolgirl’s.

  Joy Specifically.

  Skirt?

  Alan Yes.

  Joy Tie?

  Alan Yes.

  Joy White shirt, or –

  Alan No, white.

  A thin white shirt.

  Almost transparent.

  Joy And my hair. Would you like me to wear it up?

  Or –

  Alan Up.

  No, up.

  Joy Are you around Saturday evening?

  Alan Yes.

  Yes.

  Joy I’ll see if Ada wouldn’t mind having Tim.

  Alan Okay.

  Joy Alan, did you miss me?

  At the weekend.

  Alan I did, yes.

  I did.

  FIFTEEN

  Michelle’s bedroom. Early evening.

  Tim and Michelle.

  Michelle Have you ever gone down on anyone before?

  Tim No.

  Michelle Have you ever seen it done?

  Tim Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

  Michelle In the flesh or online?

  Tim Internet, yeah.

  Michelle Well, again, prepare yourself, because.

  Tim …

  Michelle Just don’t expect all the screaming and wailing you see online.

  Tim Oh.

  Okay.